I’ve been in open relationships since I was 21.
Actually, I’ve mostly been dating. And having sex. And every blue moon having fast and furious open, yet not open because we’re in it so deep, but only for a short period of time, adventures.
Right now I’m confused because I’m craving a monogamous partner.
The problem is- I think I want that monogamy for safety. To make wounds from past lovers hurt less. And to feel deeply desired by someone.
So I shame my desire for monogamy because it feels like a cop out.
But, I want to ask you, if being monogamous with someone who inspires me helps cauterize my wounds. Is that ok?
Do I have to be a warrior, fighting against the grain ALL the time?
Of course, whenever we enter a relationship to heal shadow. There is a lot of shadow in the relationship.
And I don’t want that.
It’s just another rabbit hole. Creating new problems. And not healing hole that started the mess.
So that’s my share.
I want a monogamous partner, but I’m scared its for the wrong reasons.
And yes- this is all hypothetical. I don’t have a man I want to be monogamous with. But I have men im interested in that I fantasize could be “him.”
Yet… They never show up as they do in my fantasies.
Not even making the minimum requirements to be my partner.
And so it is
I’m making fun of myself for not being present and in the now.
AND knowing that gaining clarity on what I really want will manifest it
My Dearest Priestess,
I could be wrong, but my guess is that it is probably not monogamy that you crave, but that is what you are interpreting it as based on the tools that you *see* that you have right now. (On that note, a very VERY effective way to RAPIDLY increase clarity and discrimination on the tools that we have and to bring light is CANDLE GAZING…. the more the merrier…. If you can break an hour of this, you will see UNBELIEVEABLE results… even 10 minutes helps. Make sure to close the eyes periodically and BRING INTO SHARP FOCUS for as LONG AS POSSIBLE the image of the flame that is left on the dark space behind the eyes. )
My guess is that more of what you are craving is a partner that will BE THERE for you. One that will stick around, with whom you feel that you can share your visions and fantasies, who will not react in an detached, agressive or violent manner to your cravings, but will react with pure love, who will see you as a person, as a fellow human, as a friend and will respond to your communications to him with composure, authenticity, and balance in the chakras, rather than having his decisions based from the lower-level chakras of immediate gratification. As well, someone that will OPENLY AND CONSISTENTLY AND OFTEN COMMUNICATE *HIS FANTASIES* WITH YOU.
The reason it is so easy to confuse this kind of partner with a monogamous partner is that when we enter into this kind of partnership with someone, what normal experience tells us is that “we cannot be with one person this fully and be with another person”… and to a certain degree this is TRUE, sheerly for the fact that TIME allows for only a certain number of events to take place in a day.
I am having a new experience at this moment with a new friend which addresses exactly what you are talking about from a POSITIVE standpoint. I would LOVE to talk to you about it and to share the details of this situation. Maybe we can have a skype conversation Priestess-to-Priestess one day soon? PM me if you are up for it.
Our combined ascension is what is healing the world
(I’m even envisioning group teleconferences??)
I have such an affinity for you because I saw you coming out at EXACTLY the same time as me back in 2012. (Though I took a bit of a different path, I find a lot of similarities in our story, and I would LOVE to have a heart-to-heart with you sometime and see how we can combine forces.)
Alix (Durgananda Saraswati)